Bon jour, comment ca va?

this time i am going to focus mainly on French Canada, but, there are a few other (English speaking) issues to be settled first...

The case of Charlie Smith was in the news once again on CBC radio with his interview. is he an Canadian Indian that he claims to be? he lives with an Indian tribe in Alberta, i think, and is married with kids. or is he originally a US citizen (white) from Kentuki? his "father" and "step mother" claim he ran away from home 20 years ago and had an obsession for Indian life style (bow and arrow, oh who does not have obsession with that "Mogli" life style! we all grew up with-- & grew out of-- it). Based on his finger prints and other evidence, Canadian authorities believe he, indeed, is an (non-aboriginal) American & want to extradite him back to US... he says he is a victim of racist bias and careless state machinery (now seriously, who wants to leave his/her comfy American home and head to the "Bushes" (pun intended!)? Sounds so tantalizingly close to the story of "Grey Owl", if you have not read about Grey Owl previously, you must, here is one link:

members.shaw.ca/keithheidorn/naturesong/nature/greyowl.htm

Then there is this book, "How To Be a Canadian", presented to me by Samar (why me, jus' kiddin', eh?). this book told me various ways to look at the Canadian life. here are a few takes on this topic:

1. Canadians love to patronize the local brands/things. for example, in the case of literature, the "local talent" talks of the issues relevant for the community, think of songs of muddy rivers ("winnipeg" means literally that!) or love stories set on the Praerie backdrop. for example, Joanne (*see footnote) has read all the books by Agatha Christie (Christie was not Canadian you say, oh well...).
2. another place to notice this patronization is the sports teams. imagine Canadian team being thumped by Kiwis in a Cricket series in Canada (say, lost by innings and 140 runs): what do you think Canadians would do to their team if so happened, kick their ass around? hell no! you would read headlines like "Canadians Beaten by Kiwis But Not Disgraced: Opposition Coach Impressed"; "Beavers Stumped (mind you, an innings or something) But Stand Out With Their All-round Game". this is followed by the account where how "the coach told the players to fight to finish or take a flight back home, or how "even though the skipper was not effective, he still showed spirit and guts to warrant another chance". just imagine the scene in India for comparison (public call for amnesty for players is common!).
3. Of course, Canadians love the local beer, Fort Garry in Winnipeg--- Budweizer, aaaah, the piss-drink!!! come on buddy, gotta to taste the local beer. to be frank, Fort Garry is good, but is well-matched by King Fisher, if the loyal fans of the Indian brand want to know.
4. The local, grass root democracy of this nation believes in equal right and opportunity for everyone. the head of such a true democracy (no, i am not a bit sarcastic, read my earlier diary) is an unelected member of a foreign royal family (the family which never set foot on this land in its entirety for years, i believe) who is selected only because of his/her ancestry--- the Queen of England. how do you reconcile these two?? don't try too hard, the democracy throws up (no pun intended here) some funnier situations. the Bloc Quebecois (a federal party openly favouring a separate Quebec nation) were "the royal opposition of the Queen" in the nineties... sigh!
5. how do Canadians describe the cold weather? here are a few examples with their real meaning next to them (**see footnote):
   

chilly: below zero with blowing winds and sleet
nippy: well below zero with gale-force winds, ten-foot-high snowbanks and roaming polar bears.
cold: minus 20 with a wind-chill factor of atleast 40 below (also known as "Jesus H. Christ", it's cold, eh!).
really cold: exposed body parts freeze in ten minutes
very very cold : ------ " ------------ in two minutes
freezing : what do we need all these fingers for?

ok, we are to our main course, the French Canada. if you don't know, Canada is bilingual ("Kannada" in French). here a careful eye--- yours truely--- would notice one thing (make that two, please) everywhere--- I MEAN EVERYWHERE): all books or instructions/ directions/signs are in duplicate (street-signs: "STOP" == "Arret", "Mon-Fri" == "Lun-Ven", for example). now, when you see a French sign, just like the "deer sign" on freeways, it means there are some Francophones in the area nearby (they catch you at the stop signs and quiz you for your skills at Francaise). actually, no one in Anglophone parts can speak in French and struggle for words when you speak to them (in French), but all claim that they went to "French immersion schools" (when i first heard this term i could think of a river like Ganges, and all the Anglophone kids being immersed in it and put out--- in fact, these are schools all across Canada where everything is taught to kids in French---). all such people claim they spoke greaaat French just five years ago!! how such a large population learnt & forgot French just a few years before i ask them is a puzzle for linguists (who cares otherwise?).

So, everything public is bilingual, including the swear words (if you want to abuse someone in traffic, you better know the French words for b**d, e.g.). you ought to know "hommes" == "women" and "dammes"=="men" for public bathrooms (if this tip was useful to you, i will be eager to hear from you).

Another place to notice the bi-lingual nature of the country is to notice the names of organizations/institutions: CASCA (Canadian Astronomical Society-Societe Canadienne D'Astronomie), CIBC (BANQUE CANADIENNE IMP<83>RIALE DE COMMERCE-CANADIAN IMPERIAL BANK OF COMMERCE), Canada Post-Postes Canada, etc.-etc. it is that simple: "NAME SHOULD APPEAR SYMMETRIC".

now this Francophone part, Quebec, wants to be free. that's what they think they want to say, atleast they think to claim so. confused? please... the politics is really confusing, you've stumbled on the first step. to make it simple: "Que" wants to be independent, "be" wants to be a part of Canada, and "c" wants to be a part of US (so, in every Hockey match three separate crowds come together to shout "QUEBEC" !!!). i was told that no one knows where the French want to belong, but it probably depends on the economy: when it's strong (Canadian economy) the French are happy to be a part of Canada, otherwise they scream foul and want to be independent. much like the ass that found grass on both sides equally green, no?

my trip to Quebec was absolutely fabulous. the most memorable instance was about Joanne (* note) being asked out by an Qebecois man after saying five sentences to her in a bar. now, that was quick! i was never asked by any woman (nor a man, phew!) for that matter. one can only blame it on my poor language (French) skills, i just could not understand those good looking women asking me out. i just thought they were asking me directions to mens' room. guys are a little more chic there and, in general, people appeared more relaxed. Montreal is a very attractive city, one of the best in North America and is very friendly. you will occasionally catch French people visiting the city, much like you. they have very strong ties with the French, though they find their "French" language at odds sometimes. its picturesque avenues, lively bars (with great music and beer---viva la' Maudit) and Mont Royal, all is tempting...

my visit to Kingston was all of three days. you can walk across the town in three hours, but boy, i found one of the best book shops there!! however, Toronto took the cake in the end. it is much like Mumbai, with all the glory of ethnic diversity. in one metro ride i found a Somalian woman, a British woman and a Sikh in their traditional head gears. the best part was, that they looked hardly out of place, just at home in their attire. it was awesome!! the city is relaxed and yet bustling with activity, art, music, movies and damn good food. people sit in groups and much like Indians, `singles' are not singled out to stay alone.


i guess i ought to stop. already it is time to look for my next job. more on that front the next time.

a bientot !


*(note) some names are changed to protect my own ass.

**(note) more than inspired by "How to be a Canadian" by Ferguson & Ferguson.